Highlights: Chemotherapy. Daughter’s summer visit. Son’s high school grad. Road trip to Kansas. 2 week long hospital stays. Move across the street. Start babysitting job. Allergic reactions to no-idea-what.

So, now I will elaborate. From March to August I was on the COPP regimen. I had to postpone this treatment for a week at the beginning, because I helped my mother move my grandmother from Dundas, Ontario to London, Ontario (she’s got 6 kids and my mother and I were the only ones doing anything). Throughout this treatment, I had 2 reactions of my face swelling and 2 or 3 times broke out in hives. One time the hives lasted 3 days, and I was covered head to foot! It was not determined if these reactions were due to the treatment or something else. Though I will say I never had these types of reactions before this treatment or since finishing it.
My son graduated high school in May, the BF and I drove down to Kansas to be in attendance. I thought the road trip was fine. I enjoyed myself, but the BF seems to stress over things he doesn’t need to stress over. My daughter came back with us, for her summer visit.
I ended up in the hospital for the 1st week of June, right at the beginning of my daughter’s visit. I had some sort of infection, but they couldn’t find it.
I was also hospitalized the 1st week of September for a week. I went into Urgent care with a fever of 105F and they decided I could stay.
I got tired of arguing with previous landlord about the mold on the windows, so I moved. I was lucky enough to find an apartment across the street, with a different landlord. This one is willing to fix things in this place. It is an old house, I am in the upper unit. I have three bedrooms, one of which is our craft/art room.
Daughter had gotten a babysitting job while she was here for the summer, after she left, I let them know I was available, if they still needed someone. After a while I got a text asking if I could babysit while they went shopping in the US (its great being so close to the border). After that, they asked if I was willing to babysit during the day, since the mom was going back to work, after the maternity leave. So, I am now babysitting two great kids from 1-4 days a week.
And to end the year off, I get a call from my mother just before Christmas about my grandmother’s husband being more than rude to her (my mom), telling her that she does nothing for my grandmother, telling her she “steals” grandma’s money, that he could do a better job than my mom is doing. So my mom said “do it”. He took her on a road trip 2 hours away from home without taking her medications, without taking her adult diapers, without knowing her daily routine! He took her out a few more times the same way. He would also take her out without her walker, which she NEEDS! Then, he up and leaves (he lives in Florida, not with his wife!), leaving my mom to get grandma’s sugars back under control (she is diabetic) and such. When he leaves, he takes the bank card to my grandmother’s American bank account, the account that he is supposed to be depositing money monthly and where she also gets a pension deposited. He took it for his own personal use. So, at the end of all this, my grandmother is now considered a “crisis case” and has been fast tracked to get admission to a nursing home AND my mother is coming to stay with me, until the basement apartment in this building is completed for her.

New Year’s Eve was spent lounging in bed with my sweet BF, watching movies. We were sleeping shortly after the new year came in… we’re old ya know, ha ha.

We are making plans to get healthier (slowly) this year, as well as save money in every way we can, to put money away for a trip for the two of us to a WARM destination for February 2013 (our anniversary), hoping for Hawaii.

Θ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞Θ∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞Θ

I hate to do this, but my son just informed me (Monday evening) that he needs $602.50 by this Friday for his college tuition or he can’t go.

He lives in Kansas; his father moved there for work, and has recently been kicked out by his father. He has spoken to his father about this, and has told me that his father doesn’t seem to care that this money is due Friday or he can not attend school.

I have no problem with paying for his schooling — IF I have the money! Unfortunately, I have a whole $140 of spending money for the rest of this month…. notice it is only the 8th! I will be sending him $100 of that money.

I am asking for assistance from my overly generous online friends. I am not asking for a handout, that is not me. I am asking for a loan of any amount you can afford. I will pay you all back! My plan is to pay back in the order of the offers I receive. I will even post a username/first name/number with the amount, date, time on my blog, to keep track of this, also to show that I am paying people back and the order they can expect their money back in.

I know this is a tremendous request, but I really can not think of how else to raise this money in 3 days!

I thank everyone who even takes the time to read this. I appreciate all thoughts and prayers as well.

Leave a comment or email me at purplej3nn <at> live <dot>com (or if you know me personally, call me)

• there should not be drafts around windows
• there should not be condensation on/between windows
• there should not be mold on windows
• there should not be cigarette smoke seepage from the apartment below me
• I should be able to open my windows for fresh air, with usable screens (not allowing bugs, birds, squirrels into my apartment)
• floors should be FLAT
• doors should open/close
• windows should open/close
• window sills are not homes for birds/squirrels
• flushing a toilet should remove waste from it

These are only a few examples of things that are issues in my apartment, that I am quite sure should not be. I do know more things about houses, buildings, etc. Some of these things I learned from family members who are contractors, some I learned from reading, some I learned from home improvement shows. I have interest in these things, and I think most people should have a general knowledge of some of these things, like how to remove the cap at the bottom of the sink trap/drain, so they can retrieve a lost ring or something like that.

Since I am low income, I realize I can not afford to live in a brand new house (nor would I want to), but I think it is reasonable to want to live in a home that is healthy to be in, one that does not depress me or frustrate me. Being depressed and frustrated does not lend well to being healthy. I have various health issues that are being compounded by the world around me.

Ideally, I would just win a lottery, so that I can buy a house where I can get things fixed/done the way they should be, so that if I have to deal with these problems, I know it is my own doing, that I do not have to wait on someone else (who is not capable) to fix things.

I am making a plea to both Bryan Baeumler and Mike Holmes, I know you are both generous, caring individuals. I am in need! In need of a home that is not compounding my health issues. I am willing to work (when able), I am willing to do fund raising, I am willing to EARN my home. The problem I currently have is that at the rate I am going now, I will never be able to buy my own home. I do not ‘qualify’ for so many programs because even though I am low income, I do bring in more than most (for a single person), but I do have two kids that I have to have room for, when they visit.
I am willing to have a home where it will be conducive to helping others. I like being able to help others, I want to be able to help others who deserve/need help.

I also suffer from migraine headaches, but I am so used to them, I can often ignore them. When I get a migraine I will have a ‘minor’ headache for 3-4 days, Tylenol and such won’t help it, then it will *blossom* into the migraine.

From my chemotherapy I get random stabbing pains in my arms, legs, sides. Since my first lung surgery I will get an odd pain, that to me feels like a serrated knife running along my one rib, like someone is trying to remove it. that pain is random, lasting only seconds, but can come every few minutes, to every few hours; continuously for hours, all day or once every few months!

Right now, I have the arm/shoulder/hand pain on the left the arm/hand pain on the right, a migraine, my toes hurt for some reason, almost every muscle in my body aches, I also have hot flashes. Oh, and to top it off, I am having dizzy spells.

I have no pain medications right now, don’t know what to do about the dizzy spells, not much can be done about the hot flashes … I just want to dig a hole and crawl into it. I want to hide from the world and tell everyone to leave me alone.

Well, that was my rant. I am going to go to bed now… yes, it is only 9:15 am, and I only got out of bed at 8 am, but what else can I do, when I am in pain like this?

THESE make sense to me.

While out this morning, I had a security truck pull up honking his horn. This Security Officer does not bother to get out of his air conditioned  truck, he merely points at the sign that I am walking by. So I point to the leash I have in hand (the dog is very obediently walking right at my side, on the edge of their grass, so that he is not walking on the road). He again points to the sign, so I pull out my poop sacs. He again points to the sign, so I just shrug. I am thinking “get your ass out and talk to me”. So he proceeds to shrug and drive off. SO, obviously, he really wasn’t too concerned with my dog on the grass.

I could understand if I was walking away from my dog’s steaming pile of feces OR if my dog was digging their grass OR my dog was in someway damaging their property, but he was just WALKING on the grass. He hadn’t even peed on a pole at this point! I often pull my dog away from the piles of dog feces left by other dog owners, along this patch of grass (that stretches 3 blocks). It  really is an ideal space to walk dogs, but I beg of all other dog owners: BE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR DOG! I am as responsible as I can be,I know I am not perfect. But I clean up after my dog as often as possible (there are times, when he is not feeling well, when I am not able to clean up after him),I stop him from peeing on people’s flowers, I only allow him to pee on poles, trees and fences.

I get so fed up with people telling me that MY dog is misbehaving, when their dog is the one jumping on mine and mine is merely defending himself, or reacting in kind. I have a well behaved dog. He can walk off leash, next to me, only leaving my side to “do his business” and occasionally to check out another dog, an interesting smell or a child that he wants to play with. I have a large dog. This does not mean that he is uncontrollable, this does not mean he is viscous, this does not mean that your small dog is a better behaved creature!

Yesterday, I was walking my dog through the local carnival, when a police officer approached me, to let me know that no dogs were allowed. He was so nice about it. He let me know that he didn’t agree with the rule, but that he was required to “let me know”. I will not say what his exact word were, but needless to say, he thought the rule was ‘garbage’. There were other dogs there, and I am sure he told their owners as well. As he was telling me this, a young lady approached me to ask if she could take a picture of my dog. I am not sure why, but he’s a ham, so he gladly sat for his picture to be taken. While walking around, to get where I was allowed to have him (since I was actually trying to get past the street carnival to the bank on the other side), I had SO many people with small children approach me, asking if they could pet my DOBERMAN! I was so proud of Jake and his laid back demeanor, he was totally loving the attention and was a model dog at this event.
There were other dogs –large and small– that I saw who were pulling and jumping, and here is my “unruly, scary Doberman” strolling at my side with a goofy, panting grin on his face, loving the sun and the activity around him.

There are people in the neighborhood, who are not really dog people, who have gotten to know Jake, who adore him. They marvel at how well behaved he is, how patient he is (I can stop to talk to anyone, and if he gets bored with sniffing while waiting, he’ll lay down until I am ready to continue our walk), and how friendly he is.

I love my big goof ball… wouldn’t trade him for anything. I will continue to remind myself that he is a good boy, he is a reliable friend and that he is NOT what others seem to think he is.

I know that a double pane window is NOT supposed to fog or have condensation in between the panes; I know that if it does, that means the seal is broken somewhere and the window needs to be replaced. When I told him of the fog in the window, he proceeds to tell me that it is caused by condensation. WELL! no S#!T Sherlock! This would be WHY I am telling you! Because it needs to be fixed/replaced! But apparently I am way to subtle, or he is too stupid. Either way, I still have a foggy double pane window. The sad thing is that this is the GOOD window! the rest of the windows in this place are the old wooden famed double hung style, with no seal, no insulation, not much better than putting a sheet of plastic over the window in the dead of winter. Here I am in the summer, with screens duct taped into the windows, with the opening between the two window frames also duct taped, to keep the insects out, but unfortunately, with the humidity, it is not sticking everywhere, and I have flies & mosquitos (and other flying insects) making themselves comfortable in my home.
OH! and the quality windows have resulted in mould on every window, which of course, is not ideal for my cancer ridden, asthmatic lungs!

The landlord “fixed” a leaky tub faucet, using tiles that are just a smidge too big for the space needed. These tiles are too big area wise as well as too thick to be placed next to the tiles already present. Therefore, the grout lines are actually just the edges of the tile peering past the current tiles with grout plastered to them. I have a bet with my neighbor as to how long these tiles will remain in place.

While fixing the faucet, I pointed out a spot by the tub where the drywall was bubbling and peeling. I happen to know that this is caused by the leak from the faucet and the shut off valve to the tub (which also needs to be replaced, even though “It was new 27 years ago, and it has only been used 2 or 3 times.”). He proceeded to tell me the bubbling (which was actually present when I moved in) is being cause by my “over sized” shower head. Now, I know I’m not a man. I know I am not a contractor. I know I am not a plumber. I know I am not a physicist…. or anyone/anything else who may know more than he knows… but with my little female brain, I am quite sure that water shoots straight out from a shower head, no matter the shape or size of it, and therefore, I am quite sure that my oversized shower head is NOT the cause of the bubbling located BEHIND the shower head.

No matter what I bring up to him, he feels the need to go into a long explanation of nonsense. I am fed up, I am frustrated, I want to move out. I happen to like the apartment itself. But with the minor problems here and the fact that I have to deal with his inability to speak to me as an equal, I no longer want to be here.

So I am faced with the decision of looking for another apartment/house where I will undoubtedly run into more of the same idiocy from an “all knowing” landlord … or stay here and deal with the known idiocy of the current “all knowing” landlord.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the well wishers and nice thoughts and comments from everyone… but what bothers me is the people who get so distressed, crying any carrying on, because they are so sorry for what I have to go through. BUT these are the people who generally don’t talk to me, don’t know what my daily life is like, and they really have no clue what my cancer life is like.
I don’t understand how they can be so overly emotional about something they don’t know about. I suppose these are the same people who cry over celebrity drama. They have no idea what that person is actually feeling, they don’t even KNOW that person… how can they have such a personally emotional reaction to a stranger’s life?

It also makes me bitter because you don’t see these people very often, you know distant family that you might see once a year. It’s not because they live across the country, its not because they don’t have your email, phone number or are unable to obtain these… its because you are not a part of their daily life, and that’s nothing out of the ordinary.
I am not bitter about not being a part of their lives… its just the way it is. Not that I refuse to be part of their lives, its just how it has happened. (I am sure there are so many reasons that we could pick at, but they don’t really matter, and that’s not what this blog post is about).
Now, these family members, when you see them at a reunion, wedding, funeral, etc see that I am still sick, and gush about how sorry they are, they are so sad for me, they cry whenever they think about how much I have to go through… blah, blah, blah!
Well, excuse me for not believing your sincerity… In my opinion, if you really did care, you might call, you might email, on a regular day… just to say “hi, how are you”… you know what… THAT simple action makes me realize that ‘hey, they do know I exist!’  I really appreciate acknowledgment when I’m not in suffering mode…

Then these people, along with their crying and gushing will almost always say “If there’s anything I can do for you… ” WELL, yea, you know what? Call me! Ask how I’m doing! Send me and email! THAT is what you can do for me! Let me know that you actually care! not that you only care when I’m right in front of you.

I am a fairly independent person, so I do things on my own, even when I’m sick. I walk my dog, even when I feel like shit; I clean the cat litter, even when I feel like shit; I do my laundry & dishes & cook, even when I feel like shit. These are things I could even get a volunteer to come in to help with, because of my health & financial situation, I qualify for these… but I do these things myself. So, I don’t need family to offer to help (they can’t actually come and help anyway — and I’m sure they wouldn’t even if I lived 2 blocks away)… but the offer of an occasional phone call or email to see how I’m doing would be GREATLY appreciated!

I have more online friends who know me and my journey than I have real life friends and family who know what I’m going through… that is sad.
There are people across the USA, who I will NEVER meet, who I only know as a little thumbnail picture, who I feel more support from.