Living with cancer — namely Hodgkin’s Lymphoma — for the last 3+ years, I am still learning that I can not do the things I used to do. I just don’t have the energy anymore. I will occasionally have a good week or two, where I feel great, when I have energy, and I feel normal. Then I slip back into my Cancer Life, and I get frustrated. I get mad that I can not do what I used to do… but I have to face that THIS is my new normal. This new normal gives me bursts of energy, then I go back to my not as energetic normal.
This is a difficult thing to face. I have been trying for 3 years. At the beginning of these 3+ years (November 2006), I had planned on being off work for 6-9 months, to have my chemotherapy, my stem cell transplant and to recover from these. But the cancer keeps coming back… or not quite fully going away. So here I am, still off work, almost 4 years later. It is frustrating.
I am a happy person, and I try to make the best of everything I have. I am often very good at this, but sometimes the reality of my new normal seems to slap me in the face.
I will continue to make the best of this Cancer Life, but I also know that I will also continue to have some “down time”.