Female does not equal mindless

My landlord (as well as so many other men – and women) seems to think that I have no idea what I am talking about, when I tell him about problems with the apartment I am renting.

I know that a double pane window is NOT supposed to fog or have condensation in between the panes; I know that if it does, that means the seal is broken somewhere and the window needs to be replaced. When I told him of the fog in the window, he proceeds to tell me that it is caused by condensation. WELL! no S#!T Sherlock! This would be WHY I am telling you! Because it needs to be fixed/replaced! But apparently I am way to subtle, or he is too stupid. Either way, I still have a foggy double pane window. The sad thing is that this is the GOOD window! the rest of the windows in this place are the old wooden famed double hung style, with no seal, no insulation, not much better than putting a sheet of plastic over the window in the dead of winter. Here I am in the summer, with screens duct taped into the windows, with the opening between the two window frames also duct taped, to keep the insects out, but unfortunately, with the humidity, it is not sticking everywhere, and I have flies & mosquitos (and other flying insects) making themselves comfortable in my home.
OH! and the quality windows have resulted in mould on every window, which of course, is not ideal for my cancer ridden, asthmatic lungs!

The landlord “fixed” a leaky tub faucet, using tiles that are just a smidge too big for the space needed. These tiles are too big area wise as well as too thick to be placed next to the tiles already present. Therefore, the grout lines are actually just the edges of the tile peering past the current tiles with grout plastered to them. I have a bet with my neighbor as to how long these tiles will remain in place.

While fixing the faucet, I pointed out a spot by the tub where the drywall was bubbling and peeling. I happen to know that this is caused by the leak from the faucet and the shut off valve to the tub (which also needs to be replaced, even though “It was new 27 years ago, and it has only been used 2 or 3 times.”). He proceeded to tell me the bubbling (which was actually present when I moved in) is being cause by my “over sized” shower head. Now, I know I’m not a man. I know I am not a contractor. I know I am not a plumber. I know I am not a physicist…. or anyone/anything else who may know more than he knows… but with my little female brain, I am quite sure that water shoots straight out from a shower head, no matter the shape or size of it, and therefore, I am quite sure that my oversized shower head is NOT the cause of the bubbling located BEHIND the shower head.

No matter what I bring up to him, he feels the need to go into a long explanation of nonsense. I am fed up, I am frustrated, I want to move out. I happen to like the apartment itself. But with the minor problems here and the fact that I have to deal with his inability to speak to me as an equal, I no longer want to be here.

So I am faced with the decision of looking for another apartment/house where I will undoubtedly run into more of the same idiocy from an “all knowing” landlord … or stay here and deal with the known idiocy of the current “all knowing” landlord.

It’s MY journey

Sometimes I feel so bitter about people who show an outpouring of emotion in relation to my cancer journey.

Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the well wishers and nice thoughts and comments from everyone… but what bothers me is the people who get so distressed, crying any carrying on, because they are so sorry for what I have to go through. BUT these are the people who generally don’t talk to me, don’t know what my daily life is like, and they really have no clue what my cancer life is like.
I don’t understand how they can be so overly emotional about something they don’t know about. I suppose these are the same people who cry over celebrity drama. They have no idea what that person is actually feeling, they don’t even KNOW that person… how can they have such a personally emotional reaction to a stranger’s life?

It also makes me bitter because you don’t see these people very often, you know distant family that you might see once a year. It’s not because they live across the country, its not because they don’t have your email, phone number or are unable to obtain these… its because you are not a part of their daily life, and that’s nothing out of the ordinary.
I am not bitter about not being a part of their lives… its just the way it is. Not that I refuse to be part of their lives, its just how it has happened. (I am sure there are so many reasons that we could pick at, but they don’t really matter, and that’s not what this blog post is about).
Now, these family members, when you see them at a reunion, wedding, funeral, etc see that I am still sick, and gush about how sorry they are, they are so sad for me, they cry whenever they think about how much I have to go through… blah, blah, blah!
Well, excuse me for not believing your sincerity… In my opinion, if you really did care, you might call, you might email, on a regular day… just to say “hi, how are you”… you know what… THAT simple action makes me realize that ‘hey, they do know I exist!’  I really appreciate acknowledgment when I’m not in suffering mode…

Then these people, along with their crying and gushing will almost always say “If there’s anything I can do for you… ” WELL, yea, you know what? Call me! Ask how I’m doing! Send me and email! THAT is what you can do for me! Let me know that you actually care! not that you only care when I’m right in front of you.

I am a fairly independent person, so I do things on my own, even when I’m sick. I walk my dog, even when I feel like shit; I clean the cat litter, even when I feel like shit; I do my laundry & dishes & cook, even when I feel like shit. These are things I could even get a volunteer to come in to help with, because of my health & financial situation, I qualify for these… but I do these things myself. So, I don’t need family to offer to help (they can’t actually come and help anyway — and I’m sure they wouldn’t even if I lived 2 blocks away)… but the offer of an occasional phone call or email to see how I’m doing would be GREATLY appreciated!

I have more online friends who know me and my journey than I have real life friends and family who know what I’m going through… that is sad.
There are people across the USA, who I will NEVER meet, who I only know as a little thumbnail picture, who I feel more support from.

time to go BALD

OK, So here I am again, at the end of the 1st round of this particular Chemotherapy Regime. This regime is called COPP (cyclophosphamide, oncovin, procarbazine and prednisone).It is an older regime used for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. This is the first time I am doing this one. I have done various others… some of which were study regimes.
Last night, I took my elastic out of my hair, as I normally do to get ready for bed. As I did this, a fair amount of hair came with the elastic. I started stroking my hair, not running my fingers through it, just stroking it… and more hair was coming out. More and more hair, just by stroking my hair. When I ran my fingers through my hair there was that much more coming out… I ended up with a handful of hair, before I stopped. I am quite sure that I could have gone on for so much longer, continually pulling hair out, with little to no effort.
This morning, I was pushing my hair back from my face, as usual, to put it back into the elastic… AGAIN, I come away with a lot of hair… It kept coming out… I created a pile of hair that was larger than the little packet of tea cookies that I get from the volunteers when I’m in for my chemo.

I have asked Anthony to pick up a clipper set, so that I can shave my head this evening. I am hoping that my hair is long enough that I can donate it to the Locks of Love (or other such program). I will be putting an elastic in my hair (pony tail), then clipping as close to the scalp as possible, to make use of as much of the hair as possible… it takes a LOT of hair to make one wig.

I do not need, require or want a wig, but I understand that it is a very emotional thing for others. THIS is why I donate the hair that I have… and hey, if I’m losing it, I might as well make use of it!

I will update this post either this evening or tomorrow, with pictures of the before and after…. stay tuned….

Missing Trenton Man: Roderick Hilts

Canada Wide Search for Missing Trenton man

74 year old Roderick Hilts.

Last seen in Trenton boarding a bus, to Scarborough.
He has no money, identification or his medication with him.
He has abandoned his truck, wallet & keys and has left no indication of his actions.
Missing since Wednesday Nov 17, 2010.
Roderick Hilts is 5 feet 8 inches tall, 185 pounds, has glasses,
was wearing a blue and grey plaid jacket, a Toronto Maple Leafs hat, and
blue jeans. He walks with a limp. 

If you see him please call the police.


(This is not a hoax, I actually know the nephew of this man)

Moved

OK, so a week ago I woke up at 6am and made myself a tea. After my tea, I started handing boxes out the window to my mother.

At about 9am, my friend Leo showed up to start helping loading the truck. Anthony arrived at almost 10am, and we had to wait for him to go get the truck. So all the stuff we brought out was in the driveway. We get the truck and started loading the boxes. Leo had to leave, because he had to work. Another friend, Eddie, msg’d me to tell me that he slept in, and was coughing and sneezing all night. Personally, I really didn’t care that he had a cold. I mean here I am, in massive pain, dealing with my cancer day in and day out… and he’s whining about a cold… this cold was his excuse for not coming to help load the truck.

Basically, there was only Anthony, my mom and myself to load the truck. We didn’t leave Mississauga until after 6pm; our original plan was to leave by 2 or 3 pm. We got to Port Colborne after 8pm. We unloaded the truck for about an hour or so, but we were all so tired and in pain, we couldn’t do too much. Making sure we had the mattresses off the truck, so that we had something to sleep on, we fell onto those mattresses and quickly fell asleep — though I was up a few times thanks to the cats banging on the door of the room they were in.

The next day, we were up at about 8am, we began unloading the truck almost immediately. Anthony had the ‘fortune’ to meet a neighbor while I was upstairs, barely moving. This neighbor was clearly still drunk, and was telling Anthony that he needed help unloading the truck, but he was too drunk to do it. So he went and woke up some neighbor kids and told them to come help us!

We had 3 young men helping us, thankfully. I was having cold sweats and was barely able to move. I sat myself in the pantry room to remain out of the way. The idea of having the boxes placed in the room they were intended for was thrown out the window, but I was OK with that, since I was not able to move very well.
My mom was pulling boxes to the end of the truck so the men could carry them up to the apartment. Anthony & the young men were carrying boxes & furniture up and I was sitting in the kitchen directing the men.

So here I am now, a week later, one bedroom is “set up” but not how I want it, its got the wrong bed and two instead of one dresser… I have to move that stuff, still have a loft bed and bunk bed together (waiting on Anthony for those). I also have the studio on its way to being usable… I just need 2 tables for that room now. I need my work table and Anthony’s drawing table.
Our bedroom is the largest in the apartment, and I LOVE IT! I can’t wait until we get everything in order, and this looks more like a home.

Pooped

I have been really tired lately. I have been going to sleep some time between midnight & 2 am; waking before 9 am; then I usually end up falling asleep again around 11am and waking around 1 or 2 pm…

I am so tired, feeling drained. I am not sure why I am so exhausted. I haven’t been doing too much, physically. The only thing I can think of is being mentally stressed & exhausted, transferring itself to physical exhaustion.

Moving day is fast approaching; October 1st. So just over a week away. I am hoping to be less stressed once we move, and I will then, hopefully, feel at least a little more energetic.

I do have an appointment on October 13th, so if I remember, I will bring it up to my doctor. Not that he’ll be able to do much at the time.

OH! and I can’t crochet, because my right hand/wrist/lower arm are in quite a bit of pain… even when I’m just sitting here… so crocheting is almost impossible.

Oh well, that’s my life right now… tired… stressed… packing… moving…

Revamping Blog

OK, here I am, deciding that I want to “re-do” my blog. I started it so long ago, but just haven’t made a good effort to keep it up to date.
Here is my new plan: post once a week to twice a month. This will be about my creative endeavors, which usually consists of crocheted items. I also do some painting and drawing. I have a sewing machine, which was given to me by my wonderful man, but I have not used yet (almost a year).
I hope to be moving soon, to an apartment big enough to have a FULL room for the creative process. Right now, I have a small room with my yarn & paint as well as a dresser & bed for when the kids visit. The new room will be twice the size!

OK, wish me luck and please follow/subscribe. Also feel free to make suggestions and/or requests.
Thanks for reading!